A light fog skims the surface of the Hudson River as I head south to the city to have lunch with an old friend and to attend a Holiday Party at other friends. Not a bad agenda for a day.
The fog obscures the far bank of the river; barely visible from where I sit, haunting in its shrouded beauty, all greys and blacks.
The view from the train window is much like life – a bit shrouded, not quite able to see from one side to the other. Things are visible but not clear; we see where we want to go but not really. Things close to us are visible; those far away – not so much.
I am smiling. That’s the way I see my life right now. I think I see the far side of the river but it’s not very clear on the other side, yet.
I am also smiling because I am sitting across from a friend of mine who is so engrossed in her conversation that she has not noticed me. That’s a bit like life too, so engrossed in what is right in front of us that we don’t see what’s around us.
As is my routine, I woke up and got a cup of coffee and then checked to see what emails had come in and then checked the headlines from the NY Times, scanning them on my iPhone.
Ashton Carter looks like he will be nominated as Secretary of Defense. It is a little amusing because the Twitterverse has apparently confused him with Ashton Kutcher. I don’t think Mr. Kutcher would be called upon to even act the part of the Secretary of Defense – at least not for a while, except perhaps in a comedy.
Also down in Washington, the political scene looks like it is much like today’s fog bound scene. We seem to be moving back to governance by crisis, everyone knowing they want to get to the other side but not quite seeing the other side and certainly not sure that they agree on what’s on the other side.
The CEO of AT&T who is also Chair of the Business Roundtable has declared that the emerging scene is Washington is putting businesses on hold. They can’t see what’s on the other side of the river and so they aren’t going anywhere until they know.
Another article reported that millions of workers are kept in the fog by unreliable incomes, part of the phenomenon that has grown in the recession with part time work and contract labor. Apparently, income volatility has grown markedly since the 1970’s. A bit like living in the fog, not quite sure you can see how the bills are going to get paid. Full time work has shrunk since the Great Recession began and even though we are officially out of the Great Recession, it certainly doesn’t feel like it to many folks.
Perhaps that’s why Black Friday’s retail sales swooned and Cyber Monday’s were flat with last year. Too many are living in the fog of uncertainty.
Though one bright spot on Black Friday was auto sales: deals and low interest rates brought out buyers, some of whom had been delaying major purchases until things were clearer. For those who bought cars on Black Friday, there apparently wasn’t too much fog or they thought they could see the other side. They had confidence.
Ah, the fog is lifting. I can now see the other side of the river and the color scheme is more than black and grey.
My friend has still not noticed I am sitting opposite her; I continue smiling.
May fog lift for all who might be living in it; may the path to the other side be clear.
Letter from the Vineyard 
Letter From New York December 8, 2014 The reality of change
December 8, 2014It is 5:00 PM and it is dark here in Claverack. I have turned on the spotlights that let me see the creek from the dining and living rooms. All day today I have sat at the dining room table, doing my work for the day, watching squirrels romp on the deck while the creek went swiftly by, running fast.
I did a round of outside errands today, going to the Post Office to collect my mail. There is no postal delivery on my street so we all have Post Office Boxes up at the Claverack Post Office, a small outpost of the USPS we all hope will stay open. Any time there are talks of more budget cuts for the Postal Service we fear we will lose ours. It would be a little like seeing the heart cut out of the town; most days collecting the mail you run into someone you know, have a chance to visit with them and then go your way. They even collect your parcels for you and hold them if you want.
The team that runs the office has been here since I have been here; they know me and greet me warmly when I collect the overflow from my box. It is one of the wonders of life in the town of Claverack.
We worry. The town is changing a bit. There are rumors that a plot of empty land will be sold for a development of new houses. The Claverack Market, adjacent to the Post Office, shuttered its doors for good a month ago – they just couldn’t compete with the Hannaford that opened down the road from them.
Change is inevitable. The changing though is not always easy in its happening. We get disconcerted when the anchors in our lives slip away from us in the slipstream of time.
A friend of mine is sitting with her mother as her life closes; it will be difficult as they are very close and I am sure my friend will discover a well of loneliness when her mother passes.
Any unwelcome change can open the door to that well of loneliness. The passing of a parent, a friend, a partner, the loss of a job, moving when you might not really want to move, all these things cause loneliness to rear its head and remind of us of our humanity.
In this time of transition for me, I have faced not so much loneliness but aloneness, the sense of being one person facing out to the universe, working to build a new chapter in my life. But there are moments when that aloneness, not a terrible thing, does become loneliness and I yearn for some other point in life.
It passes. But in its presence, it reminds me of my humanity, my singularity, my existential presence.
Overall, this has been a wonderful fall, a fall that lingered with us longer than it could, blessing us with good weather. Shortly, it will officially be winter.
As I write this, it is chill but not so chill I couldn’t enjoy a walk earlier in the afternoon. Tomorrow it is supposed to be blustery, with freezing rain. Sounds not too pleasant but by the weekend, milder weather will have won out.
Celtic Christmas Carols play on Pandora; I will light a fire when finished with this and begin to prep for dinner with friends joining me at the cottage. I spent the day sending electronic Christmas cards.
All things considered, I have many reasons to be grateful so as I finished my walk this afternoon and came up my drive, I spoke to the universe and articulated my gratitude.
Change is flowing through my life and I am hopeful I will have the courage to shape that change.
Tags:Celtic Christmas, Change, Claverack, Claverack Market, Hannaford, Mathew Tombers
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